Hanging on..

As Milo starts to outgrow his 3-6 month clothing, I find myself weepy every time I put one of his onesies on, or my favorite striped pants, but especially these striped pajamas. I don't know what it is about them, but I love the way he looks in them - the way my dream baby would look, in his cozy striped footed jammies. And I have clung to them in a disturbing way. They no longer stock the next size and I couldn't find them anywhere, so I kept putting them on him, stretched, thin and stained. I kept washing them every day. Not wanting to let go to these silly little stripes. So I spent a tipsy night searching everywhere and found a 12-18 month pair on some bizarre website that charges much too much on shipping and in the height of it, exhausted from the frantic search, I bought them, overjoyed.

But then this morning I asked Louai, what the hell am I really doing? Yes, the pajamas are cute, but there are plenty of cute pajamas in this world. I took a long(ish - does 7 minutes count as long?) shower and realized that something about that first 6 months, it was all still so new. And it is new, every day is a new experience. But having a baby under 6 months, well, I was a NEW mom. I was new at this! I had my built in excuse for the flabby tummy, I had my reasons for leaving the house in spandex pants every day, nobody wondered why I didn't call them back. But now I see that all fading, I have a baby but sometimes I see glimmers of my little boy. And it excites me to no end, but it stops me in my tracks. Its going by so quickly and sometimes I want to push a pause button and inhale that sweet scent on the back of his neck and put his soft rolls of baby skin and chub down his arms and legs. I don't want to be a mom that doesn't celebrate the next size up. I want to embrace the next set of stripes. I want to live in the now, with my new baby -- who will always be my new baby (then boy, then young man, then man). I don't have an answer here, or a way to end this, but I know that its something I need to consider.. the fleeting time but the joy in it.

In the meantime.. I look forward to stashing away this set..